If my two daughters were to write a history of our family, I am reasonably sure that they would mention the question that became a family mantra, "What are we talking about that we are not talking about?" Generally, people are always talking about any number of things besides what they really are talking about. Down below the surface there are dependably a few things that are nearly always what we are talking about. One of these things is "Do you love me, and, if so, how much?" Another is, "Do I have any influence, power, authority, control?" Another is, "Am I included?" Most of the things we talk about are shades and variations on these and possibly a limited number of other themes, such as "I am afraid" or "I am ashamed."
In a real sense, all counseling is about getting down what we are really "talking" about. The twin skills a counselor exercises are the skills of careful, engaged listening and the skill of asking good questions. But the skills are not tricks of the trade that one can pull out of the bag on notice. They are more of an art form that can be learned, but which in the end are more intuitively than logically applied.
No one who gets into a counseling situation should be surprised to find that the counselor listens not just to the words said but to the feelings, the body language, the inflection, all of which surround and accompany whatever words are spoken. It is much like holding a live animal in one's hand, respecting its authentic wildness and at the same time being present and still, inviting trust, feeling its heartbeat, allowing it to have the space simply to be without having to defend itself.
When someone can do that to us, we sometimes find ourselves able to talk about what we have never before been quite qble to talk about.